Nathan Michael Catchpaw June 18, 2009 - June 25, 2009

This is difficult to write as we are announcing Nathan's birth and death. Nathan was born on Thursday, June 18th. We were at Mount Sinai for an appointment on June 17th and the doctor checked and I was 2 cm dialated already. Then he stripped some membranes but failed to tell me that he did that and that I could go into labour at any time. Shortly after leaving the the doctor's office, my water broke and we walked over to Mount Sinai Hospital. At first they did not believe that I was in labour because I was not having regular contraction. After many hours waiting in triage the contractions became regular and I was finally given a labour room. After 17 hours of labour Nathan Michael Catchpaw was born on Thursday, June 18th at 5:42 a.m. He weighed 6 lbs 9 oz and was 18 inches long.

Nathan began having difficulties shortly after birth. He was having trouble breathing and was put on a ventilator. He also had other physical problems which led doctors to believe there was something going on genetically. He was taken to Sick Kids shortly after being born. They were having difficulty stabilizing him as he was breathing very quickly which was affecting his oxygen levels so they had to muscle relax him and have the ventilator breathe for him. He was also having trouble with his blood pressure being too low. He had an arterial line placed so they could constantly monitor his blood pressure and draw blood whenever needed without continuously poking him. After a few days of this he started to stabilize so they lifted the muscle relaxer and the blood pressure medication. He then had to have a PICC line put in his arm as the IVs are only useful for a short period. The PICC line is more "permanant". He came through that procedure great and things seemed to be improving. Once he was off the muscle relaxer we got to see him move around and blow bubbles. He could not open his eyes as they were very swollen from all the fluid in his body.

Since Nathan was doing well we decided to head home on June 22nd to spend some time with our daughter Maddison. The next morning (June 23rd) at around 11 a.m. I received a call from the hospital that Nathan was in cardiac arrest and they were giving him chest compressions. He had started breathing really fast again and this seemed to cause the cardiac arrest. The doctor said they could put him on the ECMO machine which would take blood out of his body, oxygenate it and put it back or the other option was that he would die. The doctor did not recommend putting him on the ECMO machine as it has a lot of risks but we could not allow him to die with us not even there with him. We told them to put him on the machine and we left to go to the hospital which is about 2 hours +/- away. When we got there and saw what the ECMO really was it was pretty scary to look at. He had tubes coming out of the side of his neck carrying his blood in and out.

Nathan was different after the cardiac arrest and after being placed on the ECMO machine. It just seemed like he wasn't there anymore. The following morning (June 24th) they did an ultrasound on his brain (which they do daily for those on the ECMO machine) and they discovered he had a major bleed in his brain which is one of the side effects of the ECMO machine. It could have happened during the cardiac arrest or on the machine. His abdomen was swelling alot as well and the doctors believed some of his organs may have suffered from lack of oxygen during the cardiac arrest. Either way, he could no longer stay on the machine. We spent a few hours with Nathan and had the Chaplain come in to say a blessing and a prayer for Nathan since we weren't sure if he would survive coming off the machine. The surgeons removed Nathan from the machine and his heart did take over and continue to work. At this point we were given a private room as they were sure Nathan wouldn't survive much longer. The doctors thought he would go into cardiac arrest again at any time. I was able to hold him for the first time on that day. His sats and other numbers started dropping when he was moved into my arms. I thought he was going to die right then but the nurses were able to get his numbers back up. He was so fragile every move made his numbers drop. I held him for hours that day.

The staff found us a room to stay in at the hospital that night (and the night before). It was comforting being just down the hall from him and I think this allowed us to get some rest. The next day we were advised that the doctors felt Nathan had some serious neuroligical damage. He had not breathed on his own or moved at all since going into cardiac arrest and being placed on the ECMO machine. He was not on any medications that would prevent him from doing this. The doctors felt that his brain was so badly damaged that it was not telling him to breath and they felt that there was something wrong with his brain from the beginning that caused him to breathe rapidly. We were also advised that the brain cannot heal or repair itself. Once a part of the brain is dead it cannot regerate itself.

Nathan died in our arms on Thursday, June 25th at approximately 4:15 p.m. We are grateful for the week that we got to spend with him but wish it didn't have to end this way. We don't understand why he was born with so many difficulties but we know he is in a better place and will no longer struggle. We love him so much and wanted so badly to be able to bring him home and care for him as parents should. He will be in our hearts forever.